


What a beautiful mess we made

by ayazuri



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Hidan swears but not so much, I really tried to be funny, Kakuzu apparently doesn't care so much about the money, Mild Blood, Retelling of canon story, They all have guns, Warning: a lot of swearing and some blood, Zetsu is rather cheerful, mafia!au, mild violence, possible ooc, sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 19:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12564264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayazuri/pseuds/ayazuri
Summary: It’s midnight when they barge in, kicking the front door open.They don’t give anyone a chance to recover from shock. Kakuzu produces a gun out of nowhere and so does Hidan - except he has two guns. And he laughs like a lunatic - whom, frankly, he is. First shots hit bodyguards, the only two people seemingly not affected by sudden intrusion.Chaos ensues. Cries and yells mix in one hell of a noise, people stand up hastily with the shuffle of chairs and rush toward them with clear intention - to eliminate.





	What a beautiful mess we made

**Author's Note:**

> The following story is basically retelling the canon events of capturing Nii Yugito - except this one takes place in a modern setting, Akatsuki is a mafia, they all have guns and act as typical gangsters do. No pairings, relationship between characters is not so relevant to the story. Just Hidan being Hidan(ish) and Kakuzu being Kakuzu(ish). Starts with a little police and media-like introduction, to feel the vibe. 
> 
> Also - my friend is totally the godmother to this piece. This one's for you, Azzy!

****XXX Police Department** **

****Documentation concerning events of the night MM/DD/YYYY, also known as the massacre** ** ****at** ** ****the Cloud (Nine) Club** ** ****.** **

****

****Recorded phone call, 00:14:32** **

**_**_Speaker:_ ** _ ** __I...I would like to report shooting._ _

**_**_Operator:_ ** _ ** __Where is it happening?_ _

**_**_Speaker:_ ** _ ** __In this Cloud-something club, I don’t know the address. It’s...it’s this big, all lit up club...and that fancy stuff. I was just passing by and...and...oh god...I heard gunshots, a lot of them._ _

**_**_Operator:_ ** _ ** __Are you in a safe place right now?_ _

**_**_Speaker:_ ** _ ** __Wha..? Yes, I am._ _

**_**_Operator:_ ** _ ** __Was it long ago when you heard gunshots?_ _

**_**_Speaker:_ ** _ ** __Like a minute ago... Look, just hurry up and send somebody!_ _

__

__

****First official report of the events** **

****Detective XXXXXX** **

Central Department - basing their knowledge on the received phone call - sent three heavily armed units to the scene. 

Upon arriving, they established that the attackers were no longer in the building. Inside the building units found twenty six murdered. From the sight of it, it is suspected that they were trying to repel the attackers. The number and identity of attackers are unknown. It is unclear whether Yugito Nii - the prominent persona associated with the Cloud (Nine) Club - was involved in the events. Her body was not found in the building and in any other location up until this moment. Furhter search is conducted by investigation unit.

Investigation of the crime scene proved to be unsuccessful. Investigation unit took the task of thorough examination of the main crime scen as well as devastated roof - which is considered to also be the scene of the assault. 

Results of the laboratory examination and dissection will be delivered as soon as possible.

No witnesses found.

 

***

_https://www.fejs-book.com_

****

****JXXX KXXXX** ** __feels: terrified_ _

Have you heard bout what happened in Cloud (Nine) Club? Fuck, man... It’s sooo scary...What if it’s... you know... THEM?

 

****TXXX KXXXX** **

You mean Akatsuki? I hear all the time that it’s their doing....

 

****DXXXX PXXXX** **

Whaaa?? Really?

  ****

****IXXX HXXX** **

@DXXXX just google it, there’s plenty of info... They say Yugito’s dead. Police denies but you know how it is...

 

***

 

**_**_Yugito Nii_ ** _ **

Date of birth: 24th July YYYY

Height: 170,2 cm

Musician, philantrophist, activist.

Affiliated with Cloud (Nine) Club and its owner known by the name A.

Unofficially - involved in several cases of drug conspiracies. However, no evidence was found to support this suspicion.

Current status: unknown

Current location: unknown

 

 ** _ ** _Akatsuki_**_** ** _ ** _  
_**_** Mafia.

Their objective reamins unclear. Increase in their actions can be noted, especially in the span of last months. Up until now, there are two cases in which Akatsuki was officially involved.

Whether the massacre in Cloud (Nine) Club is also their doing is yet unconfirmed.

 

***

  

It’s midnight when they barge in, kicking the front door open.

They don’t give anyone a chance to recover from shock. Kakuzu produces a gun out of nowhere and so does Hidan - except he has two guns. And he laughs like a lunatic - whom, frankly, he is. First shots hit bodyguards, the only two people seemingly not affected by sudden intrusion.

Chaos ensues. Cries and yells mix in one hell of a noise, people stand up hastily with the shuffle of chairs and rush toward them with clear intention - __to eliminate.__

Hidan laughs some more while shooting carelessly in every direction. Ocasionally, he yells bullshit, just for sheer fun. Only after a while he realises that Kakuzu is no longer next to him, but before he has a chance to express his astonishment, his partner reemerges from the crowd, fires off from his gun severeal times and lays dead at least four men. Blood trickles down his heavily scarred face, spilling wider on the long thick marks crossing his cheeks but he seems not to notice. Hidan knows for a fact that it’s not Kakuzu’s blood, otherwise he would laugh his ass off, that old man got himself injured before the party even started. Hidan shrugs to his thoughts and procceds to shout obscenities as he shoots aimlessly. The crowd is so dense that bullets reach their target anyway. Blood splutters everywhere, painting picturesque but gruesome works of art on the walls and old wooden floor.

Soon everything turns silent. Only Hidan and Kakuzu are still alive and not injured at all. Kakuzu is silent as well. He reloads his magazine to make sure he won’t run out of ammunition. Hidan spins his guns on his fingers, cowboy style, and puts them in the holsters. He looks across the room at the bar and a sudden need for drink emerges from within him.

 

‘Let’s have a drink, what do you say old man?’ he asks, turning to face his partner. Kakuzu shots him a glare that speaks volumes.

‘Drop it Hidan, we’re here on a job, not to fuck around and drink our asses off.’ he growls eventually, just to make sure Hidan has understood him. ‘Besides, we still have to get that Yugito bitch.’’

Hidan whines.

‘No kidding, old man! She’s not fucking here!’ he exclaims, clearly irritated.

‘She is in the building, Hidan.’ Kakuzu tells him, rather calmly. Hidan is visibly confused, it’s written all over his face, so Kakuzu sighs and explains:

‘She was in this room when we entered but those underdogs of her evacuated her right away.’ Kakuzu doesn’t wait for his partner to shut his mouth. ‘The only other way out is the rooftop - fucked up design, they should have slaughtered the guy who did this.’ he adds matter-of-factly.

 

He readjusts the grip on his gun and starts walking toward the door on the other side of the room. Hidan stands still for a couple more seconds then finally regains his composure and follows, cursing all the time. He’s fed up, enraged and desperately wants to drink - who for fuck’s sake wouldn’t take advantage of free drinks (provided you kill the barman first)?! - not necesarilly in this order. To relieve his anger he kicks the bloodied body right next to his left. Suprisingly, it doesn’t help - so he swears and swears and swears once more till Kakuzu stops in his tracks and whipes around to kill Hidan with his murderous glare. Ineffectively. Hidan just snarls at him.

‘Why the fuck do I still work for this fucking shithead in this shit-worth organisation?!’ Hidan exclaims in desperation, his word making Kakuzu cringe.

‘For fuck’s sake, shut your ass Hidan, I really don’t want to have a friendly chit-chat about your life choices. I. DON’T. GIVE. A. SINGLE. FUCK.’ Kakuzu answers and tries to shake off the idea of putting a bullet or two in Hidan’s head from his thoughts. Leader wouldn’t be too fond of having to find him yet another partner. ‘Now let’s fucking move. I don’t fancy running after blond whores all night long.’

They climb upstairs hastily, taking two, three steps at once. The top of the building is three floores up from where they entered, they reach it only a tiny bit weary. As to expect, doors leading to rooftop are closed. Hidan promptly kicks them, having shot the lock beforehand. Yugito Nii - also known as Tigress - whipes around to face them. She’s alone, there is no bodyguard or other underdog around her. Which means they must’ve killed every single one down there. Hidan doesn’t waste a single second. He whipes his guns out and shoots. Yugito Nii, with agility of the cat, avoids all the bullets. Hidan ceases his attack and whistles in astonishment.

‘You’ve got some moves there, dude!’ he shouts to the woman. ‘But it’s not really an achievemnt, bitch! My attacks are the slowest and least effective in Akatsuki, so I can’t really hit anyone.’

‘You’re the only one left, give up.’ adds Kakuzu because he has enough of Hidan’s pointless chatter.

Yugito Nii grits her teeth.

‘So you really are from the Akatsuki.’ she says calmy and Kakuzu draws a conclusion she won’t be an easy oponent. He’s not sure if Hidan knows it as well but decides he doesn’t give a fuck. Hidan can go and get himself killed, for all he cares. Tigress starts talking again and Kakuzu is pulled away from his thoughts.

‘You think you’ve cornered me, don’t you? You see - I lured you here!’ she shouts, her face twisting into not-so-sane expression and suddenly she has two guns and she’s shooting.

Kakuzu dashes toward massive heat ducts placed on the rooftop, Hidan curses and ducks, then follows his partner. Heat ducts make an awful shield againts bullets but they sure hold up for a while.

‘I will fucking kill that bitch.’ spits Hidan with pure rage.

‘Then hurry the fuck...’ Kakuzu gets cut off by familiar clatter of metal and turns his head in disbelief watching as his partner draws a rosary out of the pocket. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!’

Hidan glances at him with disgust and raises the rosary to his lips. __Oh fucking great,__ thinks Kakuzu, __religious bullshit approaching.__  He grinds his teeth extraordinarily hard. Nii Yugito is still shooting, bullets hammer in the heat ducts.

‘I asked you a question, you fucked up fanatic!’ barks Kakuzu. Hidan growls.

‘I’m praying, you fucker! I’ll kill her in the name of Jashin!‘

Kakuzu wants to get back at him but there is a long high whizz and something falls from the sky a few meters before them. It takes them half a second to figure it’s a grenade. They curse in unison and plunge in opposite direction to escape explosion. And there waits Tigress and she’s shooting with this wicked smile on her lips and eyes insanely wide open, and grnade explodes, and there are more grenades, there are flames and everything is one hell of a haste.

 

And they are majorly screwed.

 

 

 

 

Kakuzu wonders how in heavens the rooftop hasn’t collapsed yet. He sits among the rubbles and shards, watching impassively at bloodied body of Yugito Nii. Her muscles still contract sporadically but there is no life left in her. Kakuzu has seen with his own eyes as his partner loaded the whole magazine in her chest. He sighs heavily turning his gaze to Hidan who’s lying in close proximity to Tigress’s body. He’s heaving, his chest rises and falls rapidly but he’s laughing like an idiot. Kakuzu suspects that albino is probably quite seriously injured - but he also knows that it takes more than Yugito Nii to kill him and concludes he’ll be fine.

‘Oi, Hidan! Get your ass up! We have to get going before cops arrive!‘ he barks and stands up approching the lifeless body. He hoists it and flips over his shoulder. Hidan mutters something - most likely obscenities - under his breath but gets on his feet.

They reach the exit. Someone’s climbing up the stairs, the sound of footsteps echoes in the staircase. Kakuzu tenses and prepares himself to throw the body into opponent if neccessary, Hidan freezes with both hands on the holds of his guns. Footsteps become louder, now the opponent is only one floor below. And then the person comes to a halt. A faint click of gun fuse rings in the air. Kakuzu and Hidan glance at each other trying to establish if they attack straight away or wait for what the course of event will bring. But before they come to a decision familiar voice speaks up.

‘Kakuzu? Hidan? Are you guys there?‘

Silence falls for a few seconds and then...

‘What in the name of the fuck?!‘ Hidan is the first one to speak - or rather yell. ‘What in the fucking hell are you doing here Zetsu?!’

Footsteps can be heard once again and Zetsu emerges half the floor below, with the huge grin on his dichromatic - due to some serious skin condition - face. Kakuzu says nothing and walks down the stairs. Their newly arrived comrade greets him with a nod of his head. He nods back as he passes him.

‘You were taking awfully long with this lady...‘

‘Lady?! Lady my foot, you jerkface!’ interrupts Hidan and curses some more.

‘... so Leader sent me out to see if you’re still alive. But, hey! You are!‘ exclaims Zetsu, teasing Hidan heavily (on purpouse of course). Albino howls angrily.

‘Fuck off, marihuana boy!’

‘Awww, Hiiiiiidaaaan, no need to be so mean....‘

‘I SAID FUCK OFF!‘

 

 

Kakuzu, who’s already halfway downstairs, rolls his eyes and readjusts the body on his shoulder. Kids will be kids.

 


End file.
